Yun Yi's Stuff

“He Loves Me, Just Not In The way I Want To Be Loved!”

Posted on: December 30, 2014

My high school friend married a man who abuses her often. Once that man (is he really a “man”?) even tossed her over the steps from second floor, just because the dinner was not made as he wished. And that’s the second day my friend had abortion, for God’s sake! Years ago during a conversation with this friend of mine, I somehow started my sentence as such: “Since he doesn’t love you…” She immediately interrupted me: “he loves me!” I was surprised. I looked at her in the eyes and I saw fear. “He LOVES ME, just not in the way I wanted to be loved”, she said those words with raised voice and reddened face, and continued staring at me for a length of time, as if saying: can’t you understand?

Of course I stopped convincing her, even pretended to understand. Yes, it was obvious that even a blind could see that her husband didn’t love her, but it’s also obvious that it’s better for her to believe that her husband loves her, simply because not being loved was something she absolutely could not bear, something thing far worse than being beaten daily.

I found it’s the same way to many child abuse victims: no matter how terribly/brutally they were abused by their parents, they would still feel better to think that is just another way to “love”, than to think that they were not loved at all.

At this moment I can’t help thinking of our humans’ “greatest” invention – religion. Isn’t it the same way we love God: regardless countless innocent people suffered and died through history, regardless injustice take place everyday on this earth, we still believe that our mighty God loves us, “just not in a way we want to be loved”?

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