Spread Love, Not Hatred

Yesterday, I went to public library to vote. In voting room I saw a teenager working there who looked familiar. So I asked her:”Do I know you somewhere?” “Maybe”, she said, with a voice of boy. Instantly I realized her face looked identical to a student I taught long time ago, so I gave her a hint:”I teach art.” “I was in your art classes.” “R****!” I called out her name, though with low voice. She gently nodded.

I found, not only her hair was short, her voice was also totally changed. So I thought that she must be going through sex change. However, after we talked a little, I hurried to finish my voting business, then said goodbye to her.

On the way back I talked about this with my girlfriend, who was driving. She said I might be a little imprudent by mentioning HIS previous name, because he might not want to people know about it. I agreed. I also thought, after all these years, he was still a teenager, going through sex change he must suffer both physically and mentally, and my reaction of meeting him seemed a bit “cold”. So I told my girlfriend that I wanted go back to give him a hug. Instantly, she turned the wheel around.

Back in voting room I walked directly to him and said:”I came back because I owe you a hug.” He broke into a wholehearted smiled and we hugged, during which I told him that I was proud of him. Then we exchanged some more words and I said goodbye again.

Long time ago I read Ellen Degeneres’ mother’s biography Love, Ellen, in which she wrote about the moment when Ellen confessed to her about her lesbian secret. Her reaction was giving her daughter a hug, because what jumped in her mind first, was that her daughter had been suffering. I could never forget this detail of the book, because it made such a striking contrast with many of those parents who ditched their gay children.

I do not have children, but I am proud of what I did yesterday.

Yes, let’s spread LOVE, not hatred.


Unconditional Love and Self-esteem – A Psychological Study of Child Abuse Victims’ Emotional Journey

unconditional. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We all need love. This is because that love make us feel connected to others, and this connection eases, or even eliminates our biggest fear: loneliness. Thus love becomes the greatest – sometime the only – reason for us to live.

But, unfortunately, love from others are not entirely secure. It comes and goes without warning and it’s not within our controls. This is because love from others usually is “conditional”, which means it happens only if we possess certain conditions, such as physical beauty, wealth, social status, etc. So without these conditions, we are in danger of losing love. But, if one possesses a type of love that is “unconditional”, he/she would feel the most secure in his/her life, because this love is provided regardless how he/she is, and stays with him/her as long as he/she lives. 

So where does unconditional love come from? I found that they mostly come from two sources: 1, parents; 2, one’s own.

Continue reading

Path Of Love

Book of love, was opened
by a gentle hand
page by page;
story of love, was told
by a tender voice
word by word –
texts drifted
voice whispered
chapters undulated
story lines intertwined
and when music quietly danced through,
they all scattered, like autumn leaves
along PATH
OF LOVE – woven by
and thorns

Childhood and self-esteem

Agatha Christie plaque -Torre Abbey portret
Agatha Christie plaque -Torre Abbey portret (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(A re-post, slightly edited)

Agatha Christie said: “One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood.”

If we take “love” – love in any form: romantic, family and friendship – as a proof of our life existence, love is certainly the most important aspect of life, because only if we appreciate our existence in the first place, are we able to fulfilled it. The more love we receive, the more meaningful and joyful we feel our life is. That’s’ why we all desperately search for love.

Continue reading

“He Loves Me, Just Not In The way I Want To Be Loved!”

My high school friend married a man who abuses her often. Once that man (is he really a “man”?) even tossed her over the steps from second floor, just because the dinner was not made as he wished. And that’s the second day my friend had abortion, for God’s sake! Years ago during a conversation with this friend of mine, I somehow started my sentence as such: “Since he doesn’t love you…” She immediately interrupted me: “he loves me!” I was surprised. I looked at her in the eyes and I saw fear. “He LOVES ME, just not in the way I wanted to be loved”, she said those words with raised voice and reddened face, and continued staring at me for a length of time, as if saying: can’t you understand?

Of course I stopped convincing her, even pretended to understand. Yes, it was obvious that even a blind could see that her husband didn’t love her, but it’s also obvious that it’s better for her to believe that her husband loves her, simply because not being loved was something she absolutely could not bear, something thing far worse than being beaten daily.

I found it’s the same way to many child abuse victims: no matter how terribly/brutally they were abused by their parents, they would still feel better to think that is just another way to “love”, than to think that they were not loved at all.

At this moment I can’t help thinking of our humans’ “greatest” invention – religion. Isn’t it the same way we love God: regardless countless innocent people suffered and died through history, regardless injustice take place everyday on this earth, we still believe that our mighty God loves us, “just not in a way we want to be loved”?

“Carol In A Thousand Cities” – More On “Price Of Salt”

Patricia Highsmith
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After being so thrilled by the ending of Price of Salt, I could not help to go back reading it again, mainly the beginning, where I thought it was slow and boring. Oh it must be I who was slow and bored, because this time I found it enchanting and necessary, so necessary that only after we read all those passages could we be prepared properly for the arrival of Carol – “an amalgamation of all qualities Highsmith admired in a woman” (Beautiful Shadow – A Life Of Patricia Highsmith, Andrew Wilson).

Continue reading